I Am Lost Without You
by CombineGLaDOS
Summary: Set before the second mission of Mass Effect 2. Liara finally tries to move on from Shepard. Spoiler and lesbian warning. T for little bit of language


**A/N: I know it is Valentine's Day and this is my VDay fic for Mass Effect, but nowhere does it state all Valentine's Day fics need to be happy and glorious.**

**In case it needs to be said, SPOILERS AND LESBIANS! Do not read if you have issues with either.**

To the asari, the February 14th had no significance whatsoever. It was a normal day of the year, with no celebrations attached to it.

However, Liara T'Soni knew the date carried a lot more significance to the humans, as it was the one day where people felt obligated to show their love to their partners, or friends if they didn't have one.

Commander Shepard had been the one who told her about it, explaining all the ins and outs of the day and how people protested against it sometimes, as you should show your loved ones that you care for them all year round, not just on the day that was attached to a saint.

Shepard had told the 'young' asari maiden that, if their relationship was to become a long term commitment, she would not have the tradition dictate when she should show she cared for her most. It was difficult to believe that this was 3 months ago.

It had been 2 months since Shepard had been spaced and crashed into the Alcheran atmosphere, and a month since Liara had handed her body over to Cerberus, in the hope that they would be able to revive the deceased Commander, although with each passing day, she was regretting that decision more and more.

She scrolled through her messages on the screen in her small apartment in downtown Nos Astra on Illium. She had done a lot of information dealing to find Shepard's body, and had now taken to the brokering business herself in an attempt to pay off the debts that she had built up during her search.

Liara looked over at one of the drawers on her small desk that was barely holding together. Inside were the dogtags that once belonged to Commander Shepard. After finding them, Liara had put them in a frame but had been unable to bring herself to look at them again.

Liara took a deep breath and swallowed hard. She placed her hand on the drawers handle.

_I need to do this, _she thought, fighting back tears as she slowly pulled it open, only for the emotions to become too strong making her slam the drawer shut again.

Even before Shepard had been registered KIA, Liara forced herself to go through the grieving process as quickly as possible, not allowing herself the denial of the first stage, but isolating herself and throwing the second stages anger at anyone who tried to speak to her. She refused the bargaining stage, at least until Cerberus offered to bring Shepard back. The depression seemed to come and go, and at times Liara regretted not mourning properly, as it had stopped her from finally accepting what had happened to the woman who she loved.

All in all, she tried to force herself through the stages of grief in a week, but 3 months later it was still lingering.

Once again, Liara began to scroll through her messages, most of which were deals, to find any hint from Cerberus on what was happening to Shepard, or if anything new had come out about her friend Feron.

She cared a great deal for him, although she had made it abundantly clear that she was 'taken', so when he was taken by the shadow broker, hatching a plan on how to get him back was her other major distraction from the dead Spectre.

When no information on either of the subjects came up, Liara became enraged. _Goddess, why won't they tell me anything?!_ Liara swiped at the screen, but as it was a holographic interface, the image just faltered slightly before returning to normal, something Liara was thankful for, as the wounds on her knuckles had yet to heal after punching a mirror in anguish the previous week.

She slumped back in her chair, remembering how a year ago, she was nothing but a simple archaeologist, with self-defence being her only combat training and not really having to worry about anyone other than herself. That memory contrasted strongly against how she was now: Brokering information on a deceitful asari colony, skilled enough in combat to take down a pissed off charging krogan, and completely torn up over the loss of a human who would never be around for long anyway.

The life-span talk was one that was often avoided, as Liara would live to roughly 1000, whereas Shepard would be lucky to get to 150, even more so considering she was an Alliance Marine. Dwelling on their short time instead of actually doing something with it was something neither of them wanted to make a habit of doing. Retrospectively, it was a brilliant decision, because the two women's time together was 121 years shorter than they had both hoped it would be, so creating some memories with each other provided Liara with some peace, albeit not that much.

Once again Liara looked at the drawer and swallowed hard enough she wondered how she managed to not choke on her tongue. She placed her trembling hand on the handle, and pulled the drawer open. Feeling the emotions build up again, she closed her eyes and allowed tears to stream down her cheeks.

_I must do this, I need to move on_, was all the asari kept telling herself as she felt around for the cold steel frame that held Shepard's dogtags. When she finally felt the brush of metal, she let out a choked sob, and the tears that were already falling in steady streams seemed to speed up.

Pulling out the frame, Liara forced her eyes open and looked at the dogtags.

Both were silver in their colour, with one having N7 engraved onto it with red and black enamelling.

The other was slightly more intricate, with an alliance frigate etched into one side and Shepard details engraved on the other:

**Name: H. Shepard**

**D.O.B.: 11/04/2154**

**Blood Group: O-**

**Service No.: ****5923-AC-2826**

Liara brushed over them with blue fingertips, and began howling with severe emotional pain that she had tried to fight away for so long.

"Why did you do this? Why would you leave me?" She cried out to the otherwise empty room, putting the frame in her lap and she covered her eyes with her hands and began to sob uncontrollably.

When she had finished, her head was pounding and her eyes were stinging. The inside of her mouth felt somewhat slimy and she wiped her nose on her sleeve. She looked physically awful, but psychologically wise, she felt relieved. There would be a lot more mourning to do, and she never knew if she would ever fully recover from losing Shepard, but allowing the distress and depression to finally break had made Liara feel more relieved than she had done since she saw the armour clad figure that was Shepard be cast out into space.

Maybe now, she would be able to move on


End file.
